It's my bad for not blogging for the past one month, ok ok it's my bad alright! I mean I'm only human you know, I have other commitments mind you! Blogging is NOT my full-time occupation, as much as I want it to be, ha-ha! But, yeah, for the past month, lots of things have been going on and, yeah, not forgetting projects and presentations. Like wtf! I didn't really sleep-lah and my body ached doing all those shit-stuff. Err.. it's my grades by the way. So, ha-ha! yeah, MUST do it or FAIL-la damn it!

This is, by far, the most longest entry anyone I could think of would write for their blog. I've split it into two parts because I was unable to publish it all in one go. If you want to read it, bear with me. If you don't, just leave. I'll never force anyone to read any of my entries, thankyouverymuch. So what do you say? Grab a drink and enjoy the show.

WARNING! PLENTY OF VISUAL GRAPHICS POSTED!

(some might not be suitable for the faint-hearted. Ha-ha!)

Why Brown Marshmallow I say? Well thanks to my sister, I'm called that. People think it's cute but I think it's sick. Brown marshmallow - sounds like some fake cylindical bouncy manure created from 3D Studio Max. The best bit was, she thought 3D Studio Max was some fucking hair gel! Oh my God! Ha-ha!

Well, there's proof. While I was doing the animation thing, she irritated me. She bombared me with lots of stupid questions about the software. Whatever she had in mind, I don't know but in the midst of having the lagging 3D Studio Max on, I managed to print the screen.

This one is the ultimate hit! And I've a hilarious sister to begin with, ha-ha! Her display picture was rather disturbing.

I did the modelling for the assignment two and here's the look of it without the texture/material and the animation.

It's, without a doubt, like a replica of my dad's house. Scary to think of it because I haven't been to the place for a year now, but yet, it's still vivid in my mind of how it looks like. Is it a good thing or bad?

I like Chris's better - because it's my favourite colour; very red and black, is dark, simple and cute! And oh, I simply love the couch! Ha-ha!

(Oh Chris, sorry about this but they must see how great yours are!)

School's pretty hectic and plus the family thing going on and, yeah another failed relationship. I will talk about it later on in this entry. But first, I want to share with you the pictures I posted in this entry. More than 150 photos which are merely edited in Adobe Photoshop to make it fit into this blog. Have been cam-whoring a 'lil bit for the past few weeks since the school's out. School's out?

Yeah. Finally. The 3D Studio Max was the reason why I didn't have time to blog. Plus the time-consuming Entrepreneurship, we're unlucky to have the module in the Multimedia course, because it's so demanding! Have to prepare the damn business proposal and the advertising campaign, I was at the verge of suicide! The best bit? Group members of four shaved to two. Wtf? Thanks to Chris, we kind of made it through this time. Imagine having to do double task? I've said enough and not saying it again why I somehow regret being in IT2P. I just want to return to my original class. I'll appeal, no matter what it takes, I'm gonna. Any part of IT2P's not missed though I've nothing against my classmates. Sadly, none of it. Maybe just some people-lah, but other than that - No. I just miss my IT2Q and being with my darlings there. Period.

I'm thankful enough to have my mom and siblings with me, plus the support of some relatives who encouraged me all the way despite having a hard time dealing with school. But though I tried, I can't run away from family problems. Last two months, I was like scared shitless by my step-dad. Briefly of what happened was he had a fight outside (maybe because of drugs) and when he came home, he has lost his keys in the fight maybe, and so couldn't get in, he came in through the locked windows. OMFG! I can't believe it-la. One hand bleeding profusely due to an injury, was told that something drove though his palm. He still have the strength to open the damn window - Unbelievable! He tried to open my bedroom door for a couple of times! I called my Mom. She rushed home with the police and he created a scene for two fucking hours. With his bleeding hands, he refused to go to the hospital to get it stitched. Wielded his hands all over the house, splatting the blood all over and voila! Work of art. After that he was taken away to IMH, the right place for him. Oh well, this kind of explains what happened.

Ha-ha! I was inside the room sleeping because was sick of hearing his voice. When I woke up two hours later, the whole house was in a mess, blood all over. If mosquito were to suck 'em, it'll become a drug-addict as well, ha-ha! Unlikely to happen, his are polluted blood. Actually I have concrete proof of the drugs he took which I kept in a box - some used syringe, some slab of strong sleeping pills which only be given under prescription and other unknown pills. I took a photo of this notice, which was meant for him, at the door. The police pasted it there so that he can see it clearly when he comes back. He was in IMH for two nights, so for two nights it's left like that there. My mom filed a case and applied Personal Protection Order for the both of us against him. Thank God that my siblings weren't at home to witness the whole ordeal. I hope no one else I know go through what I've gone through. It's disturbing my personal and social life, living without peace. *sighs* All are from God, just have to deal with it with faith..

Yeah, my siblings and I called him Lahabau (hooligan) when he first married my Mom (six years ago), gradually we got sick of it and not to make it obvious to him, we coined it from the initial word to Babalau. And ended up with BBL as we took the first letter of the syllables, ha-ha! JB was coined by me just recently with my Mom, taking the initials of the first letter. We hate him so much because of his fucked up behaviour and yeah, his drug-taking habits. He's an Asshole anyway, so no point talking about him here.

So here I am - blogging. Happy now? Oh I love blogging. Thing is, my blogging's like writing a damn story. Who cares about that anyway. *Bleah* Let's see.. Where should I begin? One month is like 30 days and in a day there's 24 hours. Let's do some mathematics now.. in a month, there's 30 X 24 = 720 hours. In that time anything could happen, as you know, every minute someone dies and, simultaneously, a baby is born. So same thing here, every minute in my life is something. Who knows? At this very moment I farted, and at the next I'm eating an ice-cream. Lol. Weird as it sounds but all this are possible though but I definitely don't fart and eat ice-cream at the same time, it just won't mix. Ha-ha! I've promised someone I'll crap in my blog entry. Ha-ha! Lol.

Ok, at least, I enjoyed the extra classes with Mr Gremar while in school. Basically I love school, but sometimes the environment just kills that precious feeling. Every Thursday is going-home-late day. Mr Gremar's having his night class, Advanced Wireless Technology, which starts at 7p.m. till 9.30p.m. I'll be at one corner doing my thing, sort of accompanying him. And so, I told my sis that I'll take some pictures of the class. Well, I did-lah but I was quite shy to do that because all of them were like matured and some could be your dad. Old, yeah old.

On one of the Thursdays, I left about 7.30p.m. because my work's done. Of course I won't be staying there for so long. Furthermore, I felt hungry, cold and sleepy (the air-conditioner is a killer!). Maybe next time I'll just bring extra clothes and sleep in school, next morning just shower in the canteen toilet. Ha-ha! Sick! Oh well, it's possible..

I said that I always have my huge Army Camp bag, right? Guess what I stuff in there? You might think I'm crazy but here's a rough list. Ha-ha!

LIST OF THINGS IN ZILA'S HUGE BAG:

1. HP Notebook PC + the battery pack + the A/C adapter. (Imagine the total weight for just this? About 2.5kg++)

2. IDs/Concession Pass/ATM card/Passport/Money.. all the necessary shit-lah. (Doesn't weigh much but it takes the space.)

3. Mobile phone + sometimes the charger too, ha-ha! (I have a spare one along just in case the current one I'm using go crazy.)

4. Olympus Digital Camera + Sometimes with the charger, ha-ha!

5. Fujitsu pocket hard-disk.

6. Wires/cables (for my MP3, pocket hard-disk, digital camera. All sorts-lah.)

7.Optional: Personal Linksys router + the A/C adapter. (I'll bring this if I were to sleep over someone's house who's using the ADSL. The adapter itself weighs quite a bit. Overall about 2kg++)

8. The THICK 3D Studio Max book. (Every Thursday there's Animation class, so get the drift yeah. About 1.5kg++)

9. Files, worksheets and lab book (for the Operating System class.)

10. Clothes and necessities - On some Thursdays; the I-don't go-home day.

11. Pokka Jasmine Green Tea. (Sometimes more than two bottles. Ha-ha! For spare-lah. About 1kg++)

12. One time I brought my darn HP printer but placed in another bag. (The whole PSC to school, the size is equals to about four shoe boxes and weigh about 2kg++)

Roughly calculate the total weight. And roughly visualise the size of the bag, yeah, not forgetting my bag has quite a number of the little metal studs on it. Those of you who saw it before, you know. You can't assume that some of the things are practically weightless. Even air has weight, obviously every little things in/on the bag when put together eventually will become heavy. I don't mind going around with it all, because to me holding all of that is like normal but I somehow pity the people in the bus or MRT whose face got slapped by my bag. Muahahaha.. Fucking funny! But I'm sorry if that were to happen. Sorry, it's unintentional, really. I mean, I'm not small - so is my bag.

Ok, I left the Networking Lab and took the lift down to the first floor, took out my camera and took some pictures before I left the school compound. It's pretty scary at night, but yeah, I managed to walk though the dark - alone! I know I'm not alone actually.. the unknown presence.. Ha-ha! Ok, so here's some of the shots which I took.

Not surprisingly, the Co-Op shop's still in operation when I was about to go home. I wonder who was inside, taking care of the shop. Hmm..

After that I continued taking pictures while stuffing my ears with blasting music from Slipknot and Cradle of Filth number, I kind of shudder at the sight of the dark passage way to the stairs.

I don't really look straight when walking this way.

I took this because I felt that the evening sky looks beautiful, don't you agree? I love this shade of blue. The palms kind of give it an ambience, ha-ha!

Thank God the school compound was well-lit, or else I've asked Mr Gremar to send me home! Ha-ha! Fucking ridiculous I know, I'm just crapping. Lol.

Thank God I'm out of the school compound. I took the overhead bridge to go to the other side of the expressway to take a bus. While on the bridge, the cars was like zooming past really fast that I could feel it underneath.

It seems that the motorist were like speeding more than 90km/hr. Scary. All are rushing back home. I wish I had a car or a motorbike. Ha-ha! Dream on, Zila.. Yeah, working on that dream though.

Upon reaching the damn bus stop, the road was like practically empty. No bus, no car.

Only the other side of the expressway was bustlng with vehicles speeding. Oh well, I've waited for the fucking bus for like about half an hour. And it was fucking packed, as usual, I was standing and yeah, I dozed off while doing just that. For a whole 20 minutes I think. Ha-ha! Try dozing off while standing in a fucking packed bus plus a fucking huge and heavy bag with you. I dare you!

The day ended like shit but still I survived. Not all Thursdays are like that. I do have my ups and downs when going home late, sometimes I love to observe people in the bus. Some kiasu people trying to grab the seats as soon as the person stands up. And some who refused to move to the rear, I got irritated by the fact that people are just plain selfish to move at least a 'lil bit. Fucked up isn't it? Yeah, I think so too.

I once almost fought with a stupid and selfish passenger who refused to move to the rear. She was standing there and talking on the phone with her fucking irritating accent. The whole bus was like waiting for her to move in but she just stood there being ignorant, she saw the empty spaces but simply refused to move her fucking ass inside. And so I just shoved in, I think I hit her bag or something. She said something but I just fucking ignored her as I was listening to my music. Everyone else was giving her the cold stare. I was close to hit her face. She really pissed people off. After which to save her ass, she alighted the bus. Ha-ha! Stupid woman.

Some passengers are nice enough to give up their seats to those in need but some are just fucked up, seriously fucked up. I was equally pissed just like anyone else standing just looking at this young and abled woman sitting happily looking around while she could've at least being nice by giving her seat to a sickly elderly lady standing and seems almost falling in front of her! She just act blur, like she saw nothing. At last someone two seats away saw the old lady and gave up her seat. So nice of her. I think if all the passengers are like the ignorant woman, elderly people die 30% faster.

My day ended with me either sleeping in front of my laptop while doing my projects or sleeping late at around 4a.m.

06.06.06 - The number of the Beast. The wait IS OVER.

On my previous blog entry on 7th July, I didn't blog about what happened on the day before. Which is the 06.06.06. The number of the Beast! Aaah! Well, not really. It's the day which the four of us went to watch The Omen. Honestly I enjoyed the original version better, nonetheless I enjoyed my day with my classmates watching it. But before that, I went to Chinatown to the Surbodinate Court with my mom because of you-know-why. Nope, I didn't go to school. Fuck school! This is way more important! Ok, the scheduled time to meet the Magistrate was at 2.15p.m.

While on the escalator from Chinatown MRT Station, my mom decided to play peek-a-boo with me. We're laughing all the way to the court, joking with each other. Ha-ha!

We went in the Subordinate Court and was scanned all over. This one dude was scanned for a few times even though he took out all the metal stuff off him. I think he's got some piercing with a heavy metal ring somewhere-lah.

Look at the person in black with the pink umbrella. *Chokes*

I can't tell you what happened inside because it's purely confidential. That Asshole was accompanied by the sister-in-law (I call them Mangkuks as for now). All of them thought we should be a peace again. (Fuck Peace, it ain't gonna happen! But for my mom's sake, I just pretend - to be nice.)

After that, we left the place but hell, it was like raining. Luckily I had my hood on, so yeah kind of keep me dry for a while. Ha-ha! We went to lepak at the nearest coffee shop to have a drink since it was raining. While the two Mangkuks went to buy whatever they wanted to buy, I managed to snap photos with my mom.

Aren't we the same? Look at the colour of our hair. Ha-ha! I love my mom so much no matter what.

This kind of opportunity of taking pictures with my mom's not easy. So I took one while she's in a good mood. And for those who're really curious of how the Mangkuks look like, here it is.

I've to censor their faces due to the fact that looking at their faces will leave you with a very sour and disturbing feeling in your stomach. Oh well, the sight of them makes me want to puke. So..

Fuck them. I only cared about my mom. At least I've my favourite drink. It makes me somewhat happy while the drink is still there.. My favourite drink is very obvious already. No need to say it, you know it.

There you go. My drink. My Favourite drink.

At the sight of this, my mom give the look and said, 'Eeeeee! Green Tea! Tak berkenan aku!' Oh well, I forgot to say that while in the Surbodinate Court I had the Yeo's Green Tea. Ha-ha! I was cheated! Why? Because at the vending machine it showed the Pokka Green Tea but when I purchased it, it dispensed the damn Yeo's. I felt like kicking the damn machine! Ha-ha, I could be immediately charged in court for destroying public property and for my violent act against the machine since I'm already in court. Ha-ha! Oh well poor me, just have to drink it up because I was too thirsty. And the taste? Ha-ha! Bad - just the Jasmine, no tea. No wonder I puked when I first tasted Green Tea.

My mom had her favourite hot cup of Milo. Her favourite drink is Milo - the Australian recipe thing Milo, the one with 'more chocolate taste' Ha-ha! Well, at the coffee shop they use the regular Milo. As long as it's Milo for her, she's ok. But at home, the Australian Milo is a must.

Mom, stirring her hot cup of Milo. Quite pissed because I asked her to try Green Tea, ha-ha! I threatened to add Green Tea in her Milo. Ha-ha!

I pulled my mom to take more photos, as you can see from her facial expression as a result from being asked to taste Green Tea. Ha-ha! My mom's cute-lah, no wonder she've so many fans, I'm so jealous, ha-ha! Lol.

She looked pissed, right? Ha-ha! Yeah but it all fade away because I complained that she always make that kind of face, so..

..She grinned! Hard to believe-lah but I've never caught her grinning in such a weird way on camera before. Ha-ha! My mom's a cute and petite woman with a loud voice like mine. We almost laughed the same way. Ha-ha!

Oh well. I can't imagine growing up and looking like her - the fatter version of my mom! Ha-ha! I think I'm going to be her successor in cooking, sewing, knitting and... nagging maybe? Aah! I can't imagine!

After that, off we go.. We took the NEL, I accompanied my mom to her destination station which is in Hougang and the train bounced back to Dhoby Ghaut. Seeing my mom reaching Hougang safe and sound put my mind at ease. Well, I've a date with my darling classmates at Plaza Singapura at 6.30p.m. I reached there like 20 minutes earlier and walked around PS especially the Spotlight, in the midst of fighting with..

Ok, the truth is I've a date with someone else too, my *ehem*, but then he's working till 9.30p.m. and wanted to catch a movie with me too.. Oh well I told him we'll go another day as I'd love to go with my classmates. And he thought there's another guy I'm going out with, wtf? I can't be bothered already-lah. So the fight goes on till he saw some pictures. And well, I don't dress like I'm going dating at all, I dressed very androgynously-lah so he can't accuse me of anything. Lol.

While waiting for them, I took the escalator after exiting Spotlight to the last level. I wandered around, watching the people and their antics, and the restaurants operating at the centre stage. And more quarrelling with him, I began to get sick of fighting. Oh well, he's jealous. I don't know what he's jealous about. Somebody please help me! (Thank God it's over.)

Met Shaiful and Shufen who already booked the tickets beforehand, and met Chris too after that. We went to the food court, I wasn't in a good mood. Oh well, who doesn't get pissed being accused for this and that? Shit. Thankfully Shufen understands. And yeah, she treated me dinner as I haven't eaten for like since morning-lah. It's some Barbeque Chicken with rice and a slice of omelette and some Lemak gravy which she claimed it always have a long queue. Oh well, PS isn't my turf so I don't go there often and didn't know all this things. Ha-ha!

I took the pictures of my dear friends eating.. Oh, at least, photos of them about to start eating.

I think Shaiful hated the idea of having his photo taken. Ha-ha! You saw the BBQ Chicken Shaiful's about to dig in? Yeah, they got one for me too. Thanks guys! I loved it.

Not forgetting someone who was sitting beside me happily eating his I-have-no-idea-what. But it looks kind of delicious, ha-ha!

Chris was happily eating (I think) and I took his picture, ha-ha! Don't get piss-lah, smile more and you'll look cute that way.

I couldn't really finish eating, I know I can't so I gave my omelette to Chris because it'll be a waste to throw food, you know. It was so unlike me to not finish food. And you-know-what is bothering me at that point of time. Oh well..

After eating, Shufen and Shaiful went to wait for us at the entrance of the cinema while Chris and I rushed to the MacDonald's to get Chris's Ice Lemon Tea. Lol. Ha-ha! And we took a lift to the cinema. Met the couple and hid the drink in my bag for a while and went to our seats. Soon after a few trailers, the movie started. The Omen~

I'm not going to tell what the movie is like, if you do want to know go here to read the summary of it. As what I know, I prefer the original version. Scarier and spookier, the new version omitted some parts (in Singapore, they cut out most of the fun part! BOOoo! - Just because they want to allow underaged kids to watch it! Double BOOoo!) so yeah, not scary but I felt a little jumpy once in a while, which caused Chris to laugh at me. *Whatever Chris!* And I kind of pulled my hood and slide down at the seats because of some parts like suddenly it showed the Jackal's face out of nowhere. I usually grab on to my *ehem* in that kind of situation, here I can't grab anyone so I think that's why I behaved rather in a weird manner that evening.

After the movie, both of us girls went to the restroom while Chris went to get some fresh air at the carpark. Shaiful waited for us outside. In the toilet, I took the photo of the ticket stubs against the mirror before it's being torn apart.

There's our seating arrangement.

After waiting for Chris to finish his stick, we went to the cinema level to snap some pictures with the damn movie poster. And the guys, being too excited, dragged the whole poster stand to the middle of the pathway. Ha-ha! I was quite embarassed actually. Ha-ha!

I asked some caucasian lady to help snap a picture of us all. Can you spot me? Oh yes you can, I'm at the back damn it! It's quite blurry, I know.

Shaiful happily *feeding* the devilish kid with coke. Plus I think he inherit the look from the kid. Ha-ha!

A few more shots till the guys realised that the security guard was heading towards us, so both of them prompty put the poster back into place. Ha-ha! You just have to look at their expression when the guy was walking towards us. Ha-ha! Fucking funny.

Both the guys with the poster. Shaiful, again, *feeding* the kid while Chris grinning in contentment (I think, ha-ha!) I simply can't tell what he's thinking. Lol.

Shufen with Chris there, I was told that they look like siblings. Now, you my blogders, tell me if they do look like siblings?

The couples. *fucking* Damien's devilish and already polluted mind. Ha-ha! Just kidding.

Oh well, I've nothing else to do, thus, this - Kiss the kid.

After all that exausting picture taking, we separated. While some went home, I went to n.y.d.c. for a visit. I walked all the way to Heeren from PS. I met Shawn and we chatted for a while, ha-ha! He looked lethargic, as usual. And after that I met William, he too watched the Omen already - before work! Ha-ha! Oh well, after that I went to the coldside window and chatted with Yusuff and Hab for a while. They're surprised to see me. So am I, ha-ha! After that I took the MRT home.

It's around this time that I reached Somerset MRT. Quite late though, I've got school the next day!

That's almost about it on the 06.06.06. Had fun with my classmates and also had a stupid headache from quarelling. I simply ignored his calls for that day and yeah, we patched up after that because he said he missed me. *Poof* Whatever.

On some random night.

I can't remember on which night I chatted with Chris about this picture, initially it was and still is his display picture in his messenger account. Ha-ha! I simply love this picture for an unknown reason. This picture is like some anti-Christ thingy, I don't know. I'm definitely not one. Lol. This guy reminded me of Dani Filth from the melodic death metal band, Cradle of Filth. I said so because I recognised Dani's nose, but Dani has quite a round face so it's quite impossible though. But Chris said it's not Dani. I'm confused. I don't give a damn already-la. I just love this picture and that's that. I post it here, hopefully someone would tell me who exactly this guy is.

I definitely love the eyeliner thing plus his piercing thingy there. Ha-ha, cute. Someone said he looks like a guy begging for.. err. *Chokes*

On the 15 June - another Thursday spent in school. Scary.

As usual, there's school and I've my animation assignment to complete. The night before my aunt, Cik Tuty called to ask if the resume and cover letter was ready - Oh shit! I totally forgot! The deadline was on 17 July. I still have time. So I went to do some research on the various type of resumes and cover letters. I've decided to devote my time after Mr Gremar's lesson to create the two most important thing for my uncle.

School went on as per-normal, as usual it's me and Chris for practically all the lessons. I think he's sick of looking at my face everyday in school. Oh well, sorry-lah can't help it - kind of tied down with him on all the projects - it seems so. So yeah, class was boring and I was really looking forward for Mr Gremar's lesson and that DJ Aza's lesson. I also didn't remember that there was an oral presentation 2. We're not mentally prepared for it so we've decided to just say whatever we can - an impromtu thing, no planning, no nothing. But yeah, we did some touch-ups for the report according to the guidelines before her class.

The oral presentation was ok-lah, nothing too awkward. We pulled it off just fine. I wasn't satisfied but just thankful we kind of finished it. We're to stay back because of the a week ago I didn't attend her class because of my messy big P. Luckily she understood my situation. Yeah, the sick and irritating big P. Chris saw it, of all people. It was damn disgusting. I was bloody embarassed. I called my aunt to 'rescue' me. Yes and she did. Thank God.

While waiting for that DJ Aza to finish grading the rest of the groups, I was meddling with my digital camera and *snap!* I got this. Lol.

Ha-ha! It's Chris with his distracting middle finger. Ha-ha!

Yeah, I've some friends saying the finger is distracting, thus, couldn't see the face properly. Right Jo-An? Ha-ha. I think I'll introduce to you some nice-nice girls whom you can bring home to meet your parents. Ha-ha! But first, you'll have to drop that finger, ok? Ok, everybody! This guy is single. So girls, drop me a message if you wish to know him. He's a nice guy so don't be shy. I'm just helping a classmate here, though he doesn't need my help on this, I insisted on helping. He's too nice and cute to be left single. Ha-ha!

After the Communication Skill class, I went to to the Networking Lab for there I continued my task in completing the resume and cover letter. I went to use like a few of the power sockets to charge my digital camera, for my laptop and also surprisingly, for my mobile phone as the battery was left with one bar. I know it's sick to do all that but I can use the power, there's nothing wrong with that. Mr Gremar saw and allowed that, at one time he sort of encourage me to use the school's resources *smiles*. Oh, and I think that's the day I told Chris that I would make a small trip to the guys' toilet. It's just nearby the lab, I wouldn't want to waste my time walking all the way to the other side of the building just to wash my hands, would I?

Look at the photo below to know why I said so. It's all dark and quiet at the other side and you expect me to walk there? No, hell no. And it's a Thursday night. You know what they say about Thursday night. Ask your Malay friend.

I took this at around 8.30p.m. after I've completed my task and was about to leave.

Mr Gremar asked me to stay till 9.30p.m. NOOoo! I said. I've to go to Tampines. It's not near, you know. The journey's about more than one hour and I've school the next day.

When I took this, Mr Gremar was counting money. Ha-ha!

I remembered seeing him asking the night class students to pay the lab assessments or something. Ha-ha! Like a loanshark. His class was laid back and some of his students expressed their gratefulness that he was the lecturer. Oh well, I'm thankful too that he's my lecturer - for at least one module.

I managed to snap this before leaving. I kind of told them to just continue doing their thing while I took the pictures.

Yes, all are guys. Every single one of them are guys in this night class, I don't know if the other classes have girls or not but this one is 100% guys, and I, being there like more than five weeks don't even notice the all-guys thing in the class. Ha-ha! All are attentive and occasionally joked around. They're a group of focused people. So, never underestimate them despite their age.

The lift suddenly opened by itself. Spooky.

As I exited the Networking Lab, I walked towards the lift which was closed. As I came closer, it opened by itself. Seriously. I was quite shocked but I didn't think of anything. I just visualise happy thoughts. I mean, for what to scare yourself shitless when you know you'll be taking the lift alone? Make sense? Yeah. I didn't take the stairs because I was too tired-lah, plus all the load. I need the lift.

I'll be avoiding this corridor at night. And to those who actually go here to.. you-know-what, be careful.

While that, at the corner of my eye I saw something just 'moved' in the dark. More of like something sort of like *swoosh* at the end of the corridor. It's not a figure of a man nor does it 'move' like human. I can differentiate a human figure but this was like super-fast. When I turned, it's gone. This actually adds to my almost-scared-shitless self. Whatever that was 'moving' in there, thankfully it didn't 'move' towards me. Phew..

It's empty. Lol.

This seating/study area is definitely empty at that time. Obviously-lah empty. Who would want to sit there at night? Unless to wait for somebody-lah. Or to go for the next class. Next class at this kind of time? Can't be-lah.

Staring at the open lift.

Before I took the lift, I recided some verses from the Qur'an for my safety in the lift. You never know what could happen in there because as I said the lift opened by itself and I was alone. And the silence was rather deadly-lah. Scary and all, inside.

I went to the toilet at level one to do a last minute whatever.

I took a picture of myself in the mirror. Look how tired my eyes were. And not forgetting the huge bag and laptop in my hands. And yeah, my face looks stupid, I know.. plus the hair.. *sighs*

Finally out of the school compound, this time I took the route from the front gate because I wanted to take the MRT to Tampines. Easier-lah.

Yeah I missed the damn bus.

The look of Dover MRT Station. It was empty. Except for this damn guy. Lol.

So was the other side. Empty.

Upon reaching the station, I took a seat nearby and laid back on the pillar. I was too damn tired, yeah too tired. So I took the train to Boon Lay, then back to Pasir Ris, longer journey but at least I got a seat. *Smiles* As you know, my bag. I can't afford to stand any longer because by that time my eyes was halfway closed - like a Zombie.

I simply love this black sneakers of mine.

Though it's torn and all, it has a very sentimental value to me. This is my first sneakers I bought with my hard earned money, it's been a year and I still loved it. I think I'll never get this kind of sneakers anywhere already. I bought this at Far East Plaza and when I visited the boutique again, they don't have this all-black Converse already.

While waiting for the damn train, I stared at this.

I wondered how it'll sounds like if Dover's translated into Malay. As you noticed, they have it in English, Chinese and Tamil. Where's in Malay?

I took the train and alighted at Pasir Ris and took bus service 21 to my uncle's place. I reached there about 10.30p.m. Had a shower, ate supper and after that proceeded to scan all his certificates, zip it all up and send his resumes via email. Finally I'm done with it at about 12.30a.m. Oh, my uncle was watching the World Cup. Sorry, I've no interest whatsoever in this year's World Cup because my favourite team wasn't qualified. *Bleah* I went to sleep after that.

The Meeting@Wheelock's Coffee Bean - was sick that day. Boo.

Chris was the one who suggested meeting to discuss our projects. I was sick and he said this would be a good idea, to settle some of the project and wouldn't make us so stressed out. As I said earlier, we're the only ones in the group, thus, all the task we're supposed to complete are doubled. Don't ask why-lah. I hate to repeat myself.

So, at Wheelock Place, I was kind of lost because I didn't realised that it has two freaking Coffee Bean. I walked all the way to the Office Tower to ask the security guard where's the other Coffee Bean near the carpark was, as said by Chris. I was beginning to get irritated actually because I was sick with the stupid runny nose, a bloody headache and deprived from sleep. I'm like a Zombie, well almost. And I was against the idea of going out. Because I looked fucked up and sloppy. *Sighs* Chris insisted, so yeah just agreed. Since it's for the damn project's sake. Oh well, at last found him after walking here and there, searching high and low.

While at the Coffee Bean, I saw some familiar n.y.d.c. staffs whom I saw at the Annual Dinner and Dance thing. Ha-ha! The Retro Queen with her fiance. And I saw the Big O manager too whom I recognised. Ha-ha, they don't recognise me-lah.

Chris went to buy the ice-blended. I know I'm not supposed to drink cold stuff. I need coffee and double shot of expresso added to it. It'll at least keep me awake for like till midnight or something. I needed that to do the damn projects.

We discussed and, yeah, discussed till about 5-plus p.m. We ended the discussion, went to Big O to show him the cake called G-spot. He couldn't believe there was such a cake. We headed to n.y.d.c. and met Ah Boy. He's working in the kitchen like he always did. I didn't see Sue anywhere, probably her off-day. Chris and I parted ways, he went to meet his friends while I went to n.y.d.c. Heeren (again) to give Hab her t-shirt she bought from the Storm thing when she went clubbing.

I walked all the way to Heeren. It's a weekend, of course it's packed. Duh.

n.y.d.c. is still n.y.d.c. - I miss the crazy staffs, sadly, most of 'em left.

On my way to the coldside, I saw Jumeni, the makcik of Hotside.

The stereotype of a makcik is usually bechok (talkative) and loves gossiping (most of the time it's true-lah). Oh well, that's his forte. With Kak Jah, the Screaming Demon, they're the ultimate tag-team. I usually try to avoid him but he's exceptionally nice to me, baking me pizza, giving me soup with crutons, and preparing me sandwiches. Till Zen got jealous. Of course I share all the food with everybody-lah. I don't know why but he's just too nice to me. I wonder if there's something behind all that kindness? Aiyo. Scary.

We talked a little while at the coldside window with Hab, she was on duty with Husaini. Ok, I honestly missed working with them and crapping with them about stupid stuffs. She promised to 'open bottle' for me on my birthday, perhaps next year I will celebrate it at MoS or something. Then she can open a dozen bottle for me till I go drunk. Ok, maybe I should stop thinking about drinking. It's Bad! Bad! Bad!

I left and went to the 7-Eleven to get something I shouldn't buy in the first place - Absolut Vodka. I know I've been a bad girl lately, I just need a break from the stress. The stress of tight deadlines and a lot of workload simply driving me to IMH. Lack of sleep, craving for Green Tea and having weird imaginations. All the little symptoms of depression. Lol.

Re-enactment of what happened at 7-Eleven:

I was queue-ing for my turn at the 7-Eleven cashier, and when it was my turn I was excited to get my sinful poison. So..

Me: Excuse me, can I have the Absolut Vodka - the vanilla flavour?

7-Eleven Cashier: Erm, this one? (pointing to the small bottle.)

Me: Yeah, That one. How much? (Me, taking out money to pay the cashier)

Then the other cashier at the other side whispered to the cashier who was serving me. She, then, turned to me and smiled.

7-Eleven Cashier: Excuse me miss, can I see your ID for verification?

Me: My passport can? (I handed my passport to her.)

7-Eleven Cashier: Yeah sure. (She looked at it and said..) It's S$7.95, sorry for the trouble, huh. Just checking if you're legal or not.

And after that, she gave me my Absolut baby with two hands and smiled.

7-Eleven Cashier: Thank you! See you again.

After I left that 7-Eleven, I thought to myself, 'Am I that young for them to check IDs? Ok-lah fair enough, I am 18 anyway. Lol.' I'm like fucking legal-lah. But I do look older than my age. At least I thought so.

So I happily put my Vodka into my bag. All I needed was Coke, Sprite or 7-up, whatever that I could drink the Absolut with. I need it so much. Lol. I do sound desparate right? But yeah, that's how I felt that time. Desperate for Vodka.

I took the MRT from the Somerset station, strolling and watching the people rushing into the train. It was freaking packed anyway and I hate squeezing in between people especially during a hot day where you could smell people's sweaty armpits in such a confined space. Claustrophobic-lah.

I decided to wait for the next train and sat at one of the seats near the gate number 16.

After the train left, I realised that I've to wait for another 7 minutes for another train. So long? Ha-ha! At least I could use the time taking pictures.. *Grins*

I love taking trains to Marina Bay then to Woodlands, let's just say I want to get a nice seat in the damn train.

While waiting for the train, I watched people - couples, families and Lone Rangers alighting and boarding the train. Lol.

Quite a high human traffic. People shopping and yeah, more shopping. The Great Singapore Sale's here.

I don't see the hype about shopping, really. Especially to buy something I don't need. Like a waste, right? Just because it's cheap and thought maybe it's of a good use in future, you'll buy. Doesn't make sense to me. Such a waste of money. Might as well give the money to me because I know what to do with it, ha-ha!

Nothing better to do, took this and wondered why everything contains the number 4 in them. Even the gate number; 4 X 4 = 16.

The train arrived, quite packed but the crowd reduced as most of 'em alighted at City Hall. There, I've my seat. Ha-ha! Sick Zila is happy. *Smiles*

My poison.. Absolut Vanilla. I'm going to enjoy this little bottle.

The bottle is so cute! I thought of collecting all the flavours - Absolut Original, Citrus, Grape, Raspberry.. the list goes on. It contains 40% alcohol. Damn! Like it'll burn your throat if you gulp it up just like that. Oh, I tried before. Result? Bad throat inflammation for a damn week.

I've the whole deck to myself.

Waited for four fucking minutes at Marina Bay.

The train stopped at Marina Bay for like 4 minutes (number 4 again.) and yeah when it reaches the City Hall interchange, people came swarming in like bees.

I reached home safe and sound, changed, turn on the air-con and slept like a baby till like 8-plus p.m. and of course I continued with my work on my laptop. It's never-ending I tell ya..

24 June - Idle, and Hell continues..

I was forced in to continue with the projects! Oh well, I've been doing some research and found this article quite useful for our Entrepreneurship project. Wanted to show it to Chris but I was too lazy to load it from my digital cam. Ha-ha! I couldn't find the cable-lah.

This article was about Steaks, where to get the best steak in town and bla, bla, bla. Hard Rock Cafe and Jack's Place were mentioned being one of the favourite spots to enjoy steaks because of the price and ambience and most importantly, the taste! I used the title as the caption in our project proposal's advertising brochure. Ha-ha, oh well..

25 June - the midnight SEMBAWANG BEACH Party.

This is the day where that Asshole threatened me. The police was called - for real. Don't think I don't dare. And yeah, he provoked me to leave the room to face him. Oh I did! I provoked him back! I provoked him to hit me if he dared - straight to the face. Before the police arrived, I must make myself looked like I've being somewhat threatened and abused, I did what I'd to do - cry. Lol.

I told the police my story. Actually, a lot more happened that day and the day before which caused me to change all my bedsheets and pillowcases. Jijik siol. Yeah, a lot more happened, only those I trusted knew about it. Ok, what happened is summarised into three words - Free Live Porn. Not me of course! I did no such thing! It's the Asshole with the Bitch (whom you saw in the censored photo). I've should take some photos for evidence-lah. To think again, I'll get nightmares looking at them. *Face turns green* I'm glad I didn't. Oh well, after the incident, I felt that the whole house must be blessed once again.

After the police left, I escaped to the Sembawang beach, to meet my neighbours living two blocks away from mine. The second son's birthday and it was celebrated at the beach, BBQ and all. Yeah, with the tents too. My mom came but slept after that on the canvas laid on the floor by Ajid. Oh, did I mentioned about this sweet guy? His real name is Yazid and he's 20 years old - and yes, he's single, baby!

Before I went to the beach with them, I forgot something and he accompanied me to my flat so that I could take my stuff (yeah, the Asshole was there still). He's so sweet. Yeah, he even cooked for the brother's birthday. I mean he's so capable and sweet. I wouldn't say he's cute because I think Chris is cuter, ha-ha! Lol. Let's see what he cooked, hmm.. the BBQ chicken, the fried noodle, the Nasi Lemak, what else? I can't remember but I remembered eating them happily. Lol. The birthday boy is Elfie. He's 13 years old that day. A sweet boy too, just like the brother.

Elfie and his mom, Mami Ros. This is taken at about 4a.m. as all of them didn't sleep. Including me. See their tired eyes from the fun they had in the day.

I can't sleep so I went to stroll around with my digital cam to take the calm scenery of the beach and also to watch people fishing at the jetty. It was nothing much to see but the ships nearby really brightened the place up.

The sea looked calm and collected. The sea level began to rise - plus the drizzle. It's cold out here. Brrrr...

Nothing of the sort - All are 'decent' people fishing here at the jetty.

To the jetty.. the planks are widely spaced, little feet could be stucked in there.

A menacing-looking ship. Huge. To Brazil I think. Lol. *Grins*

The two guys asked me to sit with them while Wan sang and Ajid strummed his guitar. Ajid (with guitar) and Wan (in yellow Adidas tees) - the guy whose going to be engaged to Ajid's 18-year old sister.

At about 7a.m. it began to rain, we cleaned up the place and yeah waited for the lorry to take us back. We waited for about an hour. All of us are obviously drenched in the rain. Yeah I had fun with all of them, I recognised Ajid's second sister being in the same school as me; she's two years my junior. Oh well, it's a small world.

29 June - The Presentation day.

It was the day I dreaded most! Presentation. *Bleah* The worst part was Ms Theresa went to invite some year one students to see how we're to present our proposal. I really hated it. Honestly. The best bit was only Chris and I were to present our business proposal while the rest had like 4-5 members in a group. When our turn, we kind of fumbled. Fuck, it felt really weird because only the both of us, all eyes were on us, thanks to those who don't listen but I was like having this phobia of standing in a large crowd, talking about serious stuffs. The judges? Our lecturers for Computer Graphics and Animation. Fuck school - Just have to agree with Chris sometimes. And to make things worst, you know who did what and invited who with whom. *Sighs* Enough said.

30 June - At Ministry of Sound ~ It was so fucking awkward!

I won a free VIP pass to Ministry of Sound. So as to kind of celebrate the end of hell [read: presentations] and I invited Chris to go, kind of have fun and 'destress' from the hectic school schedules. Lol it didn't happen, instead we felt utterly awkward being there. Firstly, it's SMOOVE, a Hip Hop night. And Chris, being an avid Metal fan, obviously don't like Hip Hop. Lol. I forgot about that actually. Oh well, I thought there're other rooms which would be opened but no, only the Main Arena and 54. Sucks isn't it? Ok, we kind of like went up and down in search of the perfect place to chill.

We went to 54 - the Retro room, waited till Chris finishes his kretek and left. 45 minutes or so in Ministry of Sound. A very awkward moment. I mean it's a Thursday night, not many people party. Yeah mostly were the working people chilling after work. Maybe because I was dressed differently than usual. Or there's just not enough company. I think it's the latter. Oh well, we went to the MacDonald's at Liang Court. I ate a very late dinner and off we go. Rather a boring night. So I reached home, felt bored and snapped a picture. My mom's not home by the way, so it's double boring.

*Ehem* called and asked me where I've been because he waited at my block. I told him I went to MoS, and he became pissed. At first when I asked him, he said he don't like MoS. When I go there, he's pissed. I already told him I'm going with a friend, he said ok and now he's like this. Headache-lah. Not as if I go fuck somebody in MoS or something, right? *Sighs* Whatever.

1 July - Fucking BORED at home, with a damn sore throat - thinking of him.

I had a terrible sore throat so I presented myself with this huge bottle of 'Gui Hua' Green Tea. I didn't go out that day, just stayed home to rest and watch Hndi movies on the television. Still pissed with him, so I didn't call or reply his sms-es. I think he knew about Yazid from a friend. If you live in Woodlands, it's a small world, some people whom you have no idea who suddenly knows you because you're kind of related to this or that person. It's fucked up-lah because whenever I'm bored and *ehem* working, I go to Yazid's house to chill and joked with his mom. I've nothing with this Yazid guy, he's just a friend. Even his sisters thought I liked him. Wtf? If I'm nice doesn't mean I like the person till to that extend. Just like him as a friend, nothing more. I'm only faithful to one person and that's *ehem*.

Wondered why I don't talk about *ehem* in this blog or even reveal his name here? I just hate the feeling that the people he knew would want to get to know me, thus, kind of report to him about my whereabouts. If some of the readers happened to read my blog and if I only write about the both of us only and nothing else, no one really want to read about our stories. It's too damn cliched. And his ex-girlfriends might hate me too. This happened in some blogs, the ex-es condemning the blogger after knowing the guy abandoned the latter or broke up with her so as to be with the blogger. Some hacked into the bloggers' account to take revenge. *Sighs*

I don't want that to happen to me, here in this humble blog of mine - though we've another personal blog which was for the both of us. *Ehem* reads my blog too (I told him not to tag because he's capable of tagging rubbish.), he knows if I think this guy or that guy's cute or whatever. Both of us kind of have an on and off relationship during this one year. For five months we're together and then I called it off. And then he missed me and wanted to start all over and yeah, all the 'rintangans' I've to go through with him. As usual. During our separation, he knew I like a guy from school, that's why he was jealous and chased me back and asked to be given a chance. So I did because deep inside I still love him and can't forget him.

If you're wondering where I first met him, it's a small world in Woodlands, we always somehow bumped into each other everytime. But I just noticed him just like that, nothing serious. But then on 18 June last year, we met again because of a friend's barbeque at Changi. We're just glad to meet again as it's really a small world. Then, I was still with the 'F' guy. 'F' is a sweet and decent guy, whom I knew the sister as my good friend. On 20 June, the day I really meet *ehem* and we got to know each other better and yeah, *ehem* knows 'F' as we're all in the same school. 'F' loves me but he felt that this *ehem* was the cause of the end of our relationship. Wtf? I didn't even flirt with *ehem* when we're still friends. *ehem* was the one when he knew me and 'F' are no longer together. 'F' cheated on me - I caught him red-handed. I was devastated and *ehem* was the one there when I needed someone. He was there to console me. And everything just happens. We're together.

*ehem* said I'm like his teddy bear. Lol. Some called me Marshmallow and he called me Teddy Bear? Lol. I remembered when I first went riding with him, I was really nervous and was afraid to hug him. I remembered that he loved to make a really steep bend and jam-break suddenly, like jerk-jerk the bike, just to make me scared and so I'd hug him. He's both cute and sweet, I simply love his gorgeous smile. Ha-ha, ok we do have our ups and downs. *ehem* knows a lot of people, thus, people know me too. I hate being too comercialised; wherever I go, people know who I am. I know that *ehem* have some ex-girlfriends who were jealous seeing him happy with someone else, that's why I said I don't mention his name or even put his picture here. I did put on my MSN though, but some of my guyfriends got jealous. Lol. I don't see the need to get jealous, you know.

He rides, he smokes, he drinks - his favourite poison is Jack Daniel's. I told him to cut down on the drinking and smoking. I know when he drinks, he will get naughty very easily. If he smokes, he can't stop. So I motivated him to cut down and hopefully stop doing all that. He's my motivation and comfort, that's why I loved him so much - because of his patience and because he doesn't care about my flaws and how sucky I looked when I meet him. It's hard to find someone who accepts your flaws and doesn't judge you.

The arguements was unavoidable, I told him about Yazid and all but he just can't accept that I spent more time with Yazid's mom because she's one of my closest neighbours anyway. He thought I go to his house for him, not for the mom. I trusted him on his own but he didn't trust me. There's nothing I could say so I avoided Mami Ros's house since.

It sounds stupid, I know. I didn't let him control my life, I just tried to avoid arguements that's all. So, to make myself feel better, I got myself a huge bottle of green tea to enjoy - at least to keep my mind off things.

I had this Green Tea for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Say I'm crazy but it's true. It's my comfort drink. My comfort food? Chocolates.

3 July - me and HIM: It's Over!

I just can't accept it. He lied and cheated on me. All along he said I cheated on him but at last who did? He did. And I saw it. I went to Causeway Point to run some errands for my mom. Never did I expect that he was out with another girl, I was devastated and of course I was damn upset. I went up to them as they were walking at Esprit boutique area. His reaction? Shocked and speechless. He can't run away already. I saw the girl who was behaving so intimately with him. Of course he can't say that she's just a friend, right? Any girl would know that. I held back my tears and said Hi, just like a friend bumping into another friend. I stared at him and looked at the girl and asked if both of them are together. Well, she said YES! Oh my God. I was cheated all along! He can't cheat me any longer since I saw him with the girl behaving intimately. I said, "Heyy. Aah (looking at him), long time no see since you graduated." He just gave me a weak smile. Then, I left. I was too emotional to say anything else. I mean if you're in my place, you'll be really disappointed and betrayed. I trusted him all along and this is what I got in return? Only God knows how my heart wanted to scream.

I left after I had to do what I was supposed to do. He called me later to tell me he was sorry. Oh why? Because he's the sexually-active kind of person and I totally against that. I told him I don't want any of that. He thought I don't love him enough. Since when loving someone means you must have sex with them? Huh? Only jerks think like that, I didn't expect him to be like one of those jerks who thinks that way. I was wrong. Damn wrong. I was really disappointed, no words could explain that disappointment. I'm just too fucked up and sad to say anything.

The only song which could explain how I felt was this song titled 'Tika Dan Saat Ini' by Medicine. Of course it's a Malay song-lah.

Tika begini mencari-cari

Sebuah cinta hilang

Saat begini ternanti-nanti

Bayangmu sayang...

Ku ulangi pertemuan

Walau hanya mendakap sisa cinta

Bersama rindu yang terdampar

Saat ini aku sendiri menangisi

Pemergianmu kekasih

Dan cuba memujuk rindu

Yang pedih tercalar

Di sudut ingatanku

Airmataku kau renang bahagia